Back to Single Again~~

Today....really felt the world is changing so fast that cannot be faster than my emotions. Why? This is why i'm gonna tell you all about it.

Today, like usual i go to work...but i take leave for morning hours coz i couldn't wake up early (=.="). After reached my desk, setup my laptops and open my outlook to check emails (that is my usual work everytime reach office). And i found one email from my girlfriend(ex-gf starting today)..i feel curious so i open it to see and i was shocked!! TOTALLY shocked!! A break up email is sent to me in my outlook. Great!!! ruined my day, ruined all my hopes and believes towards her.
i was wondering for so long why all in the sudden she want break up and only one main reason she tell me>>> Stressful when together with me. Ok! Fine! If it is really that stressful, please tell me earlier and stop this no-hope relationship. This is the second time she request for break up and i will not be like last time begging her to think again..think again...Since she said is FINAL DECISION, so be it!.. I don't care it anymore. I Hate her!!I told "I hate her" not because of break up, is because of she did not try really hard to overcome the problems within her. I agreed and promised her to give her time to overcome it and at the end i got this stupid, ridiculous result!

I'm tired with this problem with her already since she did not want me to HELP her overcome this problem! Fine!....I'll just get along with it and find another one (not for now)... Haizz, sometime when each other loves both so much still will be end up break off. Really have no idea about it....

Say really....i still love her...can't forget her... it's very painful for me to continue to live in this world anymore..


goodbye

Promise I Shall Kept~~

Hi everyone, whoever view my blog...i bet it was not interesting at all but who cares~~. I write what i want to express and that's it! After few days of deep thinking, i was in "deep shit" mode for the whole weekends... Non-stop flash back all the good memories with my lovely bibi... the good time where we spend time together watching movies, had dinner together, shopping in the shopping mall. Our favourite place is Pyramid or 1U. One of the most memorial thing we done together is walking in the garden beside 1U. it was so sweet (^.^)...
     It was all in a sudden i suggest to have a walk to the garden and she say yes. Together we walk side by side holding her adorable hands circling the big lake.. On the half way we saw a path full with stone point upwards and wondering why they build like tat.. And i realize it was a foot massage walk for us to step on it till the end of road.. That time, my bibi was so affraid to step on it did not want to walk on it...Then, i say to her "Dun be affraid, got me beside you holding ur hands. Let's us try walk till the end together.".....after tat i hold her hands and start walking...
   She barely could move further anymore after halfway to reach the end and i saw her painful face struggling to move on, i almost want to ask her to stop but she insist to continue till the end and i'm touched!... First time i hear she say that...and that time i knew she willing to walk all the way together with me for the rest of my life=)...that time i have decided to care her, protect her and love her all i can...she is my lovely bibi afterall since that day.
   Although in between we have some argue to each other, but i'm happy for that where at least i got someone important and loves the most to argue with (^.^)...I have decided to stay with her till she don't want me anymore... No matter what happened to her, i will still love her and be wit her... She asked me not to leave her alone. I hope she also does the same to me...Please don't leave me alone!!....

~~Disappearance~~Ignorance~~

It's been 2 weeks....She didn't contact me...and i also unable to find her in any way... I'm already tried all..sms, call, facebook, msn, and even email...Where have she been? What is she doing? What is she thinking all the time? i'm curious...even my own girlfriend doing wat, think wat i also don't know. Is it my fault? is it my understanding is not enough for her? Why she kept everything away from me?
Should i give myself and her a chance or just be like that>>>ignorance?.. I really have no idea why loved by someone i love is so difficult to get..am i not doing good enough? Or i am not a Christian and u prefer hide all ur church activity from me? Or u still like being single life but at the same time still wan hold me on ur side to love you when u need love and push me aside when dun need me?? is that the way u appreciate our relationships? You are not telling me anything...i'm so sad for it... we promised to tell each other everything and yet u still keep doing these to me..
Why?Why?.....i really dun noe how to handle this relationship...please come out and let me know why u doing these to me?? Am i misunderstand u? If really is...please tell me that!! i will apologize for bad thinking mindset towards you...Please....let me know the reason and how r u right now....

又再一次的冷漠对待~~

今天。。她又再冷漠地不回应我的信息。说是忙着读书，很专心地读书。。我也希望她是真的认真读书。。但愿她不是懒得睬我，不想见我吧。。我不想让她知道我有这个想法，因为我知道她知道了会很不开心。。可能会说我不信任她。。一直怀疑她的一举一动。。不然，就会闹着玩分手吧。。我不想要这种事情发生。。所以。。。。。我又再来这写下我的心情了。。

已经不是第一次了。。。很多次她都不会找我，打电话給我，或发个讯息问候我。。。每次说要去找她，她都不知道要怎样回答我。。。因该说不知道要怎么拒绝我吧。。呵呵。。每一次我在外面我看到每一对情侣，都是开开心心地去逛街啊，吃饭啊，等等地。。都愿意陪对方出去。。真羡慕他们。。

可能。。。她不是我要的对象吗？？我不知道。。。我不想去想这些。。。我只知道我还爱她。。。而她却一次又一次地剥落我对她的关怀和感情。。。

~ My First Attempt ~

This is my first time i write this blog. i don't really want to write this blog at first. But... i couldn't bear it anymore. I need to spill out my loneliness inside me. The more i think of, the more pain i feel.

That's why i write this blog is to just express my loneliness. I don't want to keep it inside anymore because i know... i know keeping all these emotions and sad memories inside will bring great suffer and pain to our body...our health. I don't want to see consultant because I'm afraid...never willing to share with strangers. And here i am now, writing this blog...

Among all the things i have go through... the most unbearable thing is missing someone you love everyday, every night, every hour, every minutes.. I was thinking it all the time. Why she can not find me or ask how am i for long time like 2 or 3 weeks? Every time i ask her whether want come out meet or not, she always says no time, tired, got things to do, and even says feeling not going out. I want to come over check on her, she refuses...again.. I'm really out of idea how to deal with this relationship and how to face her...

Just last Thursday, she asked me out to meet up. That time i was really happy... she automatically asked me out. But, on the way to meet her. She sms me...says she need to go back home by 6pm and the time she request to meet is 4pm. I was like....she spending only 2 hours to meet, chat, spend time with her. I know she tried to find time for me.. But, what i want is not this... what i want is just a simple sms or call me to chat. That's all... She seems don't understand what i want. I don't want a 2 hours meeting in 2 weeks...

Sad....sad... every sms i sent to her seems no respons on it. Everytime i saw her, i really want to ask her this...all this ignorance of my sms, why didn't reply me back.. late reply i dun mind...1 day late i also don't mind...just don't never reply me and act like nothing.... Enough le~~ i don't want to argue this anymore... the more i say, the more pain i get...

All i can do now is hope and pray....what you say to me is true after all...i will ignore your ignorance to me because i love you so much...really...like what you said " Please don't leave me alone"....and me asking you also...please don't let me behind.... What i can do now is TRUST....i trust your words...i trust your feelings towards me.. Bibi~~ i love you...